Letting Go

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Breaking up is hard to do…everyone knows this. But learning to let go can be even harder. If you’re an overthinker like me, once you’re past the initial shock, anger or heartbreak, there’s the onslaught of “what ifs”, unanswered questions and memories for endless pondering and critique. If we’re not careful we can end up in an emotional downward spiral instead of letting it go and taking time to grow.  So in order to move on and open yourself up for better possibilities, consider letting go of the baggage you racked up in the relationship.

Let Go of Thinking Your Relationship/Ex was Perfect

When you fall in love with someone you view a lot of your relationship through rose colored glasses and give a lot of benefit of the doubt. Even the things you don’t like, you typically find an excuse for it. You allow the good times to make up for any bad or lackluster periods in your relationship. No matter how much you love a person or how great the relationship, it wasn’t perfect. It wasn’t perfect because no one is perfect. Not you or your ex. If the relationship ended, then there was something that wasn’t quite right.

This is a perfect time to acknowledge the great things in your relationship as well as the not-so-great things. See the relationship for what it was and who you were in the relationship. Were you your authentic self? Did you change in response to your ex’s personality? Did your ex fully support you? Did he/she really meet your needs or expectations? Use this time to let go of the “perfect” picture you have in your head and further clarify what you want for the future.

Let Go of the Need to Seek Closure Through Your Ex

After a relationship ends, the temptation to call your ex will be so real! We think if we can get the answers to the questions in our head that we will find the seemingly elusive closure everyone always seeks. However, a convo with your ex after a breakup may not be helpful. Often, you won’t get the answers you want and may end up experiencing hurt and pain all over again.

So, get closure on your own terms. Be in charge of your own healing. Don’t give power over your emotions or your process to your ex. You don’t need to know what your ex thought or thinks. Even if you get answers it probably won’t make you feel any better. Don’t open wounds that are trying to heal. Process how you feel and keep it moving. Close the chapter by deciding that you don’t need to have all the answers. Heal completely before you even think about engaging with your ex in any meaningful way.

Let Go of Persistent Negative Feelings 

Break ups can come with negative thoughts and emotions. If you aren’t careful you can let the negativity overtake you. If you are the heartbreakee, you may feel inadequate or like something is wrong with you.  Or maybe you are angry and can’t stand the sight of your ex. It’s time to let go of the negative feelings and make room for positive feelings. Don’t focus on what you lost. Focus on all the great things you have going on for you and lessons you learned.

If you don’t have great things going on then it’s time to invest in yourself. Take a class, learn a new skill from a workshop or youtube, join a church group or sports league, hang out with your family and friends, reconnect with people you haven’t hung with in a while. As you begin focusing on being positive and having fun, you will have less and less negative thoughts and emotions.

Let Go of Attaching your Worth to Your Relationship Status

Don’t attach your value to your circumstance. You may think since your ex no longer wants to be with you that your worth has been affected. LET GO of this type of thinking. You determine your worth! You are worthy of love, respect and the things you want for yourself regardless of who is walking through life with you or who decides to leave you.

Being single or in a relationship doesn’t make you any better or worse of a person. Know your worth and don’t let anyone try to negotiate it to anything less.

Let Go of Thinking You Won’t Love Again

When you’ve loved someone very deeply, it may feel like you’ll never love again or find the same kind of connection. But the truth is this,  there are a lot of people out here in this world and there is someone who can treat you better or is a better match for you than your ex.  If a long-lasting loving relationship is what you want, you have to know that you can love again.  Be open to the possibilities.

Whatever you do, don’t let this breakup keep you down. Use it as an opportunity to reconnect with yourself, get closer to God, enjoy life by doing things that make you happy and try new things!

After my breakup I found it helpful to focus on a few scriptures to remind myself that everything was going to work out just fine and that God was with me through it all.

Jerermiah 29:11

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Romans 8:28

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

Psalm 34:18

The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

What have you let go from past relationships? How did you get over your last relationship? Leave a comment!

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